Dog Impossible: T.E.A.

Name: Tessie Ellsbury Adams
Breed: Basset Hound
Weight: 52 muscular pounds
Mission:  Ruin my life

Tessie Ellsbury Adams is a four year old basset who has been sent to earth to ruin my life, and I love her.  When we first laid eyes on Tessie, it was after the comment of a whiskey tango couple who wanted "themselfs" one of those "bad ass dogs"; they stated "Ew don't get dat wun, her reg is messed up."  We walk around the corner, and there is the cutest, saddest dog we have ever seen.  I knew from that moment, I was doomed.  We took Tessie, then known as Patty, into the visiting room and within seconds, she was asleep in my husband's lap.  It took less than 30 minutes before we were leaving with a new addition to our family. 

This new addition wants me dead, well that may be drastic, she at least wants me suicidal.  She has eaten, destroyed, and slobbered on countless items.  She hogs the bed, snores, and would not let me near my significant other without barking and jumping on me.  Her vet bills have been expensive and the visits extremely timely.  However, Tessie is the second greatest dog ever. 

One of my fondest memories of Tessie was when she was particularly distraught with me and took all my dirty underwear from the hamper she knocked over and a box of tampons which she proceeded to rip open and put them all in the backyard while i was in the shower.  The neighbors, grounds workers and friends all saw thongs and tampons littering my backyard.  That was such a wonderful day.

Most recently she decided to chew on a double A battery, puncture it and get the acid in her mouth.  We took her to the vet and are looking at a potential $3500 vet bill with reconstructive surgery due to the massive destruction the acid is doing to the flesh in her mouth.  I will pay every penny willingly.

She likes to eat poop.

Destruction list:
14 pairs of sunglasses
Ottoman
Batteries
Couch
Numerous pens and highlighters
Kiss Coasters
My dignity
Christmas ornaments
Books
Pants
Shampoo
Razors
Watches
Decorative pieces
And much, much more.

All this to say, Tessie Ells has been an absolute delight to have in my life for the last three years, and although I have had my moments while I lie in bed wishing we had never adopted her, she starts snoring and kicking me in her sleep.  Then I have to ask myself, how on earth could I live without this dog?