Fag Hag Status: Positive

I recently made a post on my Facebook stating that I have very few female friends, and the women I have attempted to befriend lately have been a waste of time, even after a couple years of "friendship".  This is all okay though, I have had the best solution to this for approximately seven years.  Keep in mind, I do not dislike femininity, I dislike women in general.  My solution is simple... be a fag hag.


A fag hag is a woman who prefers the company of gay men.


My fag's name is Mike, and we have been besties since I made him eat cat food and we spent a blissful summer smoking cigarettes and tailgating at 8:00 am.  This was the best summer of my life.  He has fulfilled my need for shopping, talking gossip, companionship and being whiskey tango together. 


Guidelines provided by Urban Dictionary.com

You Are A True Fag Hag If...


-You are a straight girl who has a best friend who is gay and spends a lot of time together
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your hair and makeup are always flawless
-You even dance with all the fags on stage when Britney Spears comes on
-You learned to vogue from watching your fag
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him.

Mike and I pretty much fit this relationship, except we are both totally ghetto and pretend shop and would never spend the cash on Mac makeup... we go to Target, fill up a cart and leave it somewhere in the store.  We also decided this ensures job security for someone there because we are giving them something to do.

So Mike, this is to you, you are the best fag ever. And that new girl you have been hanging out with since I moved, WILL get dropkicked when I come back... just sayin'.